Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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