May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
