covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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