Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
