Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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