wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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