just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
