dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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