Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found the puke drawer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
