tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
