So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
