At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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