A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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