After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
