Quick, to the slutcave!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
