so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
