hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
