At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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