i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
