On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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