haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Mom said you looked used
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
