i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
