I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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