when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was not drunk enough for that final.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize