we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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