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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
