Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
