There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
