my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
