Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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