I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
