i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
