You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
