i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
