I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
