Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
