where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
