P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
