I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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