Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
