roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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