my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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