i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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