i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
