im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
