his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize