Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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