I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
