I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
