Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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