i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
