just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
