I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
