I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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