for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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