Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
