Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
