What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
