I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize