i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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