Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
