pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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