it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
