why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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