i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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