My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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