he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
