Me too!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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