ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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