it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
