pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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