You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
