you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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